Reveal Cheating

Keeping track of what they do and how they act – the best way to tell if your lover is cheating on you!

Your daily paper’s so often the bearer of bad news that sometimes reading it can get a little disheartening – especially when you read some of the shocking statistics they relay to us on a daily basis. Soaring murder rates, heart disease on the increase, the depreciation of motor vehicles the second you drive them off the forecourt of the dealership; there's plenty of depressing worrying, negative statistics out there.

But, for every 10 crappy stats, there’s one or two to be glad of.

And when it comes to finding out if your lover is cheating on you, there’s a set of stats that can, if you’re cup-is-half-full kinda person, be looked at as very helpful.

These statistics come from the Washington Post and detail how long most affairs tend to last, according to research done by counsellor Janis Abrahms Spring.

Percentage of affairs that last a day or that can be considered a single ‘encounter’: 10%

Percentage of affairs in which the cheating lover is disloyal for more than a day but for less than a month: 10%

Percentage of affairs in which the lover cheats on their partner for more than a month but less than a year: 40%

Percentage of affairs that last over 2 years: 40%

It’s extremely rare for an affair to last over 4 years...

...probably because, in 4 years, the cheating lover is bound to slip up in a big way at least once.

Okay, so, I said that these statistics – unlike so many you read in the papers – can be considered helpful and perhaps even a good thing. “How so?” you may be wondering.

Well, from the stats above, you’ll notice that the majority of affairs committed by the majority of cheating lovers aren’t one-time things – most last over a month.

On the surface, many people fail to see the silver lining here: “Great, my partner’s not only cheated on me once, but is still cheating on me. It’s a long term thing!” While this is may be true, the fact that most cheating spouses cheat for over a month allows you a much, much higher chance of catching them out and proving that they’re being disloyal to you.

This, in turn, gives you the information you need to make a thought-out, sensible decision: confront and leave them, confront and question them to see what they say, leave them without any kind of confrontation, etc.

The reason longer affairs – those that last over a few weeks – are easier to spot than those that last only the duration of a single sexual encounter, a one night stand, is not just because there’s more chance of the cheating partner slipping up and revealing their affair to you in the form of hard-proof/physical evidence. It’s mainly because you’re able to track and record what they do, how they behave, their altered moods, unusual behaviour, the things we’ve already covered, and thus analyze that data and draw accurate conclusions.

Before we look at the best way of tracking the tell-tale signs of infidelity, many of which we’ve already covered, it’s important to understand WHY keeping an accurate record of them is so valuable and why doing so can boost your chances of discovering whether or not your lover is cheating.

The human mind and its memory are subjectively selective. This means that it’s not always neutral and “fair” in choosing what it remembers and what it forgets.

That’s only natural, though; it’d next to impossible to record and recall every event in our daily lives with equal clarity and objectiveness. Most of the time, this fact doesn’t slow us down or stop us from getting on with things perfectly well.

If we forget someone’s phone number but, for some reason, remember perfectly something we overheard a stranger saying while on the bus, it doesn’t really matter. We can look up the phone number and disregard the useless info we happened to remember.

But when it comes to ‘investigating’ our relationship with our partner and spotting if your lover is cheating on is, this kind of selective and subjective way of remembering things can really hamper our perception and judgement skills.

For example, you might remember your partner putting down the phone one night just as you entered the room and find that it really stuck out in your mind as strange. But, because of the unbalanced way our minds sometimes work, you might forget about or not take into consideration enough the way your partner is more regularly late home on Wednesdays than any other night of the week.

I’m sure by now you can see where this is heading: keeping a log, a journal, a record of all potential signs of infidelity is...

...the best and most reliable way of uncovering the truth and knowing for sure if your lover is cheating on you.

The long-winded introduction to that principle was and is important, because so many people seem to not grasp the concept of selective/unbalanced memory and, conversely, the value of keeping a balanced and objective log of your partner’s behaviour, moods, etc.

Next, I'm going to talk more about how to discover if there really is cheating in your relationship by using a journal.

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